I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
