There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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