I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
should my penis look like a turkey
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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