Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize