maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
