Someone shit on the floor
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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