apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize