You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
