I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
