somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
