I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
