My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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