Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
