Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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