My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
