Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
