ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
