i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
