...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
