when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
