JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize