My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
