Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
