I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
