So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
