so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
