There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize