I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
