At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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