I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
