Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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