trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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