it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
