This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just threw up on my dentist
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
