She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
