i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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