The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
