And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
