Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
