forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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