no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
