Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
