i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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