I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Jerry, you need to find god
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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