I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
they need to just BURY HIM!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
