You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
