that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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