We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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