I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Send help, water and tortillas.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
