I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
