Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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