I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I need to align my fucking chakras
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
