Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
