so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
