New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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