I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
