Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
