walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My vagina just clenched in fear
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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