you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
