Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Are these your boobs on my camera?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
