My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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