dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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