nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
