bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
