I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
