I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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