You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
These tits shall not be calmed
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
