why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
