My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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