I'm jealous of your bromance
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize