I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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