I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
