i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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