i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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