You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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