I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
