She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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