He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize