um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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