ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
