She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
