420 ftw
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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