I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
