I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
