I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
tequila makes me forget i have legs
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
