I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
