Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
