"it" just moved
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
