i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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