I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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