I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
