I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
