Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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