It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
