Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
