His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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