I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
